Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize