honey bunches of taint.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
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she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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