So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
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Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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