did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
