She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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