I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
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I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Two words: nipple clamps
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