Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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