you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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