I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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