I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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