i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
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We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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