Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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