Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize