My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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