I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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