that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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