turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize