So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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