end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize