because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
