Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize