I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
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I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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