my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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