My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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