There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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