alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize