How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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