My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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