Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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