Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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