shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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