my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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