dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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