you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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