the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
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knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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