They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize