Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize