Swine flu is the new snow day.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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