I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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