You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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