Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
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We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
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So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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