I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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