Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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