She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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