You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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