I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
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I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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