so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize