Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize