Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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