im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
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never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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