I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize